Ok, first, must admit, it's been so long since I actually posted, I forgot how to freaking post. Wow. 2012 has ended. And I can't say it was kind. But I'm not going to talk about it. Instead, Some resolutions.
2012... I don't really have anything to show for it. Unless a healthy, happy husky toddler counts LOL. Besides him, there is not much besides a few dozen pictures that I can point at and say "I did that. I'm proud of it." 2013 is going to be different. I'm going to make it that way.
So, after some thinking, I've made a few goals for myself.
#1. I spend way too much time on the computer. I spend way too much time messing around on the computer. I need to shut it down more.
#2. I need to exercise. I am pathetic at making myself exercise. But for a better me, I need it. Just a half hour a day would help.
#3. I need to DRAW more, as silly as that sounds. I LIKE to draw. I have TONS of art ideas I should have just sat down and drawn. I need to take a couple of hours every day, probably after Micah goes to bed for the night, and just draw something!
#4. No more 1:00 or later in the morning bedtimes. Midnight, I can still get enough sleep and enjoy most of the morning. but 1:00 or later, I get cranky. And It's not fair to my son or my husband. Also, no more sleeping the morning away to prevent cranky. Because I just end up staying up late again because I'm "not tired". Now, I know, I'm no morning person. making a goal of getting up at 6:00 am would just make me miserable. But 8:30 or 9:00, I can do that.
#5. Once A week, I'm going to write. Stories, just telling about my life, whatever, I need to write, because, again, I LIKE to write, but for some reason, I keep finding myself not writing. I keep waiting for a "great idea" to strike. I just need to freaking write.
#6. This kinda goes with number 2, but... I want to go on a walk with at least Micah, if not Shawn, every day. Might just be around the block, might be around the town, but a walk everyday would benefit us all.
#7. This is a big one. This would require a LOT. This one, I'm not sure how to start. I want (and need) to go back to school. I want to get into the culinary arts, I want to become a baker/candy maker. But this, this is scary. But I should really do it. Fall 2013 semester, I plan to be there, if not earlier. Job searching is frustrating for me. Though I found a job in the beginning of 2012, it was a crappy, horrible, stupid place to work. And pretty much any job I would be qualified for right now would be the same. And on top of this, practically nobody's hiring. So going back to school, learning to do something I would like to do, and getting some kind of foundation to build on... I want this, I need this. But its scary to think of what I might need to do to have a successful student this time. We might need to move closer to the school so I can afford to go. And I didn't do so hot the first time I was in school. the thought of possibly failing again.... yikes.
Anyway, 2013. You're going to be better than 2012 even if I have to beat it out of you. Here I come!!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Over a year? Really?
It's been over a year since I added to this? Holy cow... whoops. I really really did mean to update this once a week when I made it LOL.
Gosh, so much has happened in a year... I'm gonna start with the biggest thing. My son. My son is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I can't believe I had a part in his being here.
I'm gonna start with when I found out I was pregnant. Haha, it's funny now, but I was TERRIFIED to think I might possibly be pregnant. I almost didn't want to buy the pregnancy test. and then, when it came up positive, I was totally scared to tell my parents. :p I had nothing to worry about when it came to that, LOL. I think Mom knew before I did! (She's just cool like that LOL)
Well, after the shock wore off, I got really excited. Even if I hadn't been, Shawn's excitement was so apparent, you could FEEL it when he walked into a room. I think he had most of the baby furniture in the room in the first month. LOL It's really really hard not to be excited around that!
Anyway, the first part of my pregnancy seemed to go GREAT! I had thought that morning sickness was inevitable; I didn't have it. Honestly, I didn't feel different! Kinda freaked me out, it was so surreal to think there was a life inside me and I couldn't even tell.
Second trimester came, and boy oh boy, I could tell now. I was always tired, it took so much just to get up and move. It was hard to dance at my own wedding!
I tried really hard to exercise, I really did, but there were more days where it hurt to get out of bed then there weren't. And I was a whiny crybaby. Shawn was so wonderful though, he never ever complained, even in the last trimester when all I did was sit on the couch and whine...
But I did use that time. I read and reread What to expect when you're expecting and looked up websites for new moms and practiced and practiced the breathing techniques I learned in a childbirth preparation class we were taking.
And April came and I thought it would NEVER end. I was tired of being tired, sore and cranky, and I wanted my baby NOW!
And then started the contractions. And the false alarms... as early as my birthday. Ufff... longest month of my life. after the initial scare (where I thought my water broke) it became the same story, over, and over. Painful contractions, went to the hospital, no dilation. pfft, I know the nurses who work on the maternity floor on a first name basis.
Finally, at one of my regular checkups, the Dr asked if I was ok with him inducing me. of course I said YES! So he set up a time for the next morning!
I was so excited I had a hard time falling asleep, though I KNEW I would need it. I did get some, but I kept waking up. (oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I had been having constant contractions for almost a week, and it SUCKED) I think Shawn and I were fully awake at 5 that morning, with no alarm. If you know me, you know that that is weird! When we went in, I was so excited I was trembling. The nurse greeted me with a smile and a "How are you feeling?"
I replied "excited!"
She grinned and said "I bet!"
Then I got changed into a hospital gown; then got hooked up to the monitors. She was glad to see I was still having contractions, it makes inducing a LOT easier. Then we got to sit there for an hour, waiting for our very busy doctor. He came in, checked me, then stuck a little gel pill up by my cervix. It took awhile to start working, but it started to work. During the day, the contractions slowly crept closer together, but I was in good spirits. It hurt, sure, but I was soooo happy something was actually happening I didn't care. Before too long, I was at six centimeters!
But then, progress (at least, dilation, anyway) stalled. I was at six for a VERY long time. The contractions were also getting more intense. I started to shake, was feeling very nauseous, and was starting to get very very tired. I lost track of time. I don't remember when it got dark, I can't remember what time I finally caved in and asked for an epidural. I know it was late.
I know what made me cave in, even though I thought I would be able to make it through labor without it. My body kept making me throw up. Do you know what your body throws up when you haven't eaten all day? Nasty, bright yellow goo. (I know, TMI) I couldn't control it at all. I couldn't get the barf bag to my face fast enough. and that last time, I popped my shoulder out of place trying! Talk about OWWWWW!!
Trying to breathe through contractions while curled up awkwardly as the anesthesiologist tries to insert a four inch needle into your spine is worse though.
But as soon as that medicine hit, I was OUT. not because of the medicine, just because I was sooooo tired. as far as I know, when a couple of nurses woke me up later, it could have been minutes, not the hours that it was.
And then, the nurse checked me and told the other (Shelly, who was my favorite nurse through my labor) "She's complete!"
That was the most awesome phrase I'd heard in my life! Now we just had to get the Doctor there! While sitting me up, getting me ready to deliver, the cord for my epidural got pinched. Feeling started to come back just as I started to push! Uff, pushing was sooo hard. When I was told that it "only" took a half an hour to push my son out, I thought "You could have fooled me." I mean, that was the LOOONGEST half an hour in my life!
But that first cry.... Seriously, the room went silent, then suddenly exploded with everyone jabbering and crying (Ok, I was crying, I don't know if anyone else was) I KNOW I got tunnel vision when they handed him to me. Micah was all I saw, all I heard.
Jeez... It's hard to believe he's more than a month old already! Seriously, where did it go? I think I'm seeing the very start of his smile, and his personality. I am MADLY in love with this little boy, and almost every thought goes back to "How does this effect Micah? How will Micah react?"
You know, the first month was tough. My hormones were/are still way out of whack, and adjusting to being a family instead of a couple is a little harder than I expected. And, admittedly, I took/take everything about Micah a bit personally. Him not gaining weight... I seriously thought "I MUST be doing SOMEthing wrong!" Despite three nurses, the doctor, and, of course, my mother and mother in law telling me otherwise. (BTW, if you're reading this, YES! you were right mom! Gosh! LOL)
Ok, so I guess that's enough for this post, LOL. Hey Dad, how do I put pictures on here?!!
Gosh, so much has happened in a year... I'm gonna start with the biggest thing. My son. My son is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I can't believe I had a part in his being here.
I'm gonna start with when I found out I was pregnant. Haha, it's funny now, but I was TERRIFIED to think I might possibly be pregnant. I almost didn't want to buy the pregnancy test. and then, when it came up positive, I was totally scared to tell my parents. :p I had nothing to worry about when it came to that, LOL. I think Mom knew before I did! (She's just cool like that LOL)
Well, after the shock wore off, I got really excited. Even if I hadn't been, Shawn's excitement was so apparent, you could FEEL it when he walked into a room. I think he had most of the baby furniture in the room in the first month. LOL It's really really hard not to be excited around that!
Anyway, the first part of my pregnancy seemed to go GREAT! I had thought that morning sickness was inevitable; I didn't have it. Honestly, I didn't feel different! Kinda freaked me out, it was so surreal to think there was a life inside me and I couldn't even tell.
Second trimester came, and boy oh boy, I could tell now. I was always tired, it took so much just to get up and move. It was hard to dance at my own wedding!
I tried really hard to exercise, I really did, but there were more days where it hurt to get out of bed then there weren't. And I was a whiny crybaby. Shawn was so wonderful though, he never ever complained, even in the last trimester when all I did was sit on the couch and whine...
But I did use that time. I read and reread What to expect when you're expecting and looked up websites for new moms and practiced and practiced the breathing techniques I learned in a childbirth preparation class we were taking.
And April came and I thought it would NEVER end. I was tired of being tired, sore and cranky, and I wanted my baby NOW!
And then started the contractions. And the false alarms... as early as my birthday. Ufff... longest month of my life. after the initial scare (where I thought my water broke) it became the same story, over, and over. Painful contractions, went to the hospital, no dilation. pfft, I know the nurses who work on the maternity floor on a first name basis.
Finally, at one of my regular checkups, the Dr asked if I was ok with him inducing me. of course I said YES! So he set up a time for the next morning!
I was so excited I had a hard time falling asleep, though I KNEW I would need it. I did get some, but I kept waking up. (oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I had been having constant contractions for almost a week, and it SUCKED) I think Shawn and I were fully awake at 5 that morning, with no alarm. If you know me, you know that that is weird! When we went in, I was so excited I was trembling. The nurse greeted me with a smile and a "How are you feeling?"
I replied "excited!"
She grinned and said "I bet!"
Then I got changed into a hospital gown; then got hooked up to the monitors. She was glad to see I was still having contractions, it makes inducing a LOT easier. Then we got to sit there for an hour, waiting for our very busy doctor. He came in, checked me, then stuck a little gel pill up by my cervix. It took awhile to start working, but it started to work. During the day, the contractions slowly crept closer together, but I was in good spirits. It hurt, sure, but I was soooo happy something was actually happening I didn't care. Before too long, I was at six centimeters!
But then, progress (at least, dilation, anyway) stalled. I was at six for a VERY long time. The contractions were also getting more intense. I started to shake, was feeling very nauseous, and was starting to get very very tired. I lost track of time. I don't remember when it got dark, I can't remember what time I finally caved in and asked for an epidural. I know it was late.
I know what made me cave in, even though I thought I would be able to make it through labor without it. My body kept making me throw up. Do you know what your body throws up when you haven't eaten all day? Nasty, bright yellow goo. (I know, TMI) I couldn't control it at all. I couldn't get the barf bag to my face fast enough. and that last time, I popped my shoulder out of place trying! Talk about OWWWWW!!
Trying to breathe through contractions while curled up awkwardly as the anesthesiologist tries to insert a four inch needle into your spine is worse though.
But as soon as that medicine hit, I was OUT. not because of the medicine, just because I was sooooo tired. as far as I know, when a couple of nurses woke me up later, it could have been minutes, not the hours that it was.
And then, the nurse checked me and told the other (Shelly, who was my favorite nurse through my labor) "She's complete!"
That was the most awesome phrase I'd heard in my life! Now we just had to get the Doctor there! While sitting me up, getting me ready to deliver, the cord for my epidural got pinched. Feeling started to come back just as I started to push! Uff, pushing was sooo hard. When I was told that it "only" took a half an hour to push my son out, I thought "You could have fooled me." I mean, that was the LOOONGEST half an hour in my life!
But that first cry.... Seriously, the room went silent, then suddenly exploded with everyone jabbering and crying (Ok, I was crying, I don't know if anyone else was) I KNOW I got tunnel vision when they handed him to me. Micah was all I saw, all I heard.
Jeez... It's hard to believe he's more than a month old already! Seriously, where did it go? I think I'm seeing the very start of his smile, and his personality. I am MADLY in love with this little boy, and almost every thought goes back to "How does this effect Micah? How will Micah react?"
You know, the first month was tough. My hormones were/are still way out of whack, and adjusting to being a family instead of a couple is a little harder than I expected. And, admittedly, I took/take everything about Micah a bit personally. Him not gaining weight... I seriously thought "I MUST be doing SOMEthing wrong!" Despite three nurses, the doctor, and, of course, my mother and mother in law telling me otherwise. (BTW, if you're reading this, YES! you were right mom! Gosh! LOL)
Ok, so I guess that's enough for this post, LOL. Hey Dad, how do I put pictures on here?!!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My first post!
Alright, let the chaos ensue! Anybody who views this regularly should know about me, but the first post is usually explaining stuff, so here goes:
This blog is for keeping people I care about in the loop about what's happening in my life; actually, I should say, ours, Shawn's and mine. I'll post pictures, stories, lots and lots of things to let you know what's up.
Like I said, most people who will read this know a lot of this already, but for Blogging's sake, here's the basic information:
In March, I came up here to visit Shawn. We had been chatting on FB for months, though we knew each other long before, in preschool. Yeah, I know, awesome, right? Well, through FB we started to flirt. As we're both kind of shy... Ok really shy, it worked for us. For a while, I was confused, I didn't know if I could really call it "falling in love". But suddenly chatting with Shawn was the highlight of my day, and I would literally skip to the computer in joy when someone would tell me he was on and wanted to chat.
Well, Shawn, being the amazing man that he is, bought me a plane ticket to come visit him, we thought just for the summer. But I had been here a week, and I just knew, it was real love. Though the whole summer still streached out in front of me, I dreaded August, when I thought I would be going home.
But then, on my birthday, Shawn pulled out the most gorgous ring and asked me to marry him! Of course I said yes! And cried like a baby... But I was so happy!
Now we're trying to get our feet under us before our wedding in November. I'm searching for a job still, but our search for a home is over... though the last part of the search was so confusing that I get a headache trying to follow it... and I was there!
Shawn and I, right now, live with his mother in a house in the country. It's a big house with three floors (if you count the basement). It has a big grassy yard, and I love the view of countless cornfields all around. A great place. However... theres a few things that I have to tell you...
Number 1: Its a pig farm! If it's warm at all, all of outside reeks of pig. it's hard to stay inside on beautiful days, but it's hard to stay outside when you can't breathe without gagging!
Number 2: The rent's too expensive...
Number 3: It's super far away from everything! It takes quite awhile to get to a town that can actually be called a town, as in, has a grocery store...
Number 4: (I didn't actually didn't experience this, but I wouldn't have wanted to anyway) The winter pretty much traps you at the house. The roads back here are all dirt and gravel roads, and the snow plows dont clear them for you. And this last winter, Shawn and his mom got trapped back here with no power. No heat. For 10 days.
Yea, soooo we're getting outta here pretty soon. Very soon. First week of June soon. Yeah. Well, almost immediatly after Shawn and I got engaged, we started searching for jobs and homes. We looked in this trailer court at this great trailer first... Gosh I loved that place. But the rent... cant afford it on Shawns limited income. So we had to say goodbye. We looked at another trailer, smaller, not nearly as nice, but still ok. And we could afford it... or so we were told. We were waiting for them to get through the paperwork... We applied for HUD in the meantime, because every cent helps. Then right as we get the last bit of paperwork in for HUD, we're told that the trailer, the second, smaller one, has been rented out from under us! When we had tried to pay a deposit so that couldn't happen, but the lady at the trailer court told us we couldn't for some dumb reason! Of course I was crazy angry, and in in a panic. Where were we going to live?!
Well, we calmed down, but still, super worried. We drove past some apartments, there was a for reant sign in front. Shawn called the number, and we got to tour a tiny, but really nicely kept up apartment. In our anxoiusness, we gave the owner $100 to hold it until June... and I was so relieved. But then yesterday, the HUD lady and the trailer court lady came to an understanding, and they looked at the first trailer we looked at, the one I loved, Plan A. With HUD's assistance, the cost is no more than the tiny apartment. The choice was obvious...Though we're now out $100... Ufff.... Someday I'll get the hang of this Grown up thing.
This blog is for keeping people I care about in the loop about what's happening in my life; actually, I should say, ours, Shawn's and mine. I'll post pictures, stories, lots and lots of things to let you know what's up.
Like I said, most people who will read this know a lot of this already, but for Blogging's sake, here's the basic information:
In March, I came up here to visit Shawn. We had been chatting on FB for months, though we knew each other long before, in preschool. Yeah, I know, awesome, right? Well, through FB we started to flirt. As we're both kind of shy... Ok really shy, it worked for us. For a while, I was confused, I didn't know if I could really call it "falling in love". But suddenly chatting with Shawn was the highlight of my day, and I would literally skip to the computer in joy when someone would tell me he was on and wanted to chat.
Well, Shawn, being the amazing man that he is, bought me a plane ticket to come visit him, we thought just for the summer. But I had been here a week, and I just knew, it was real love. Though the whole summer still streached out in front of me, I dreaded August, when I thought I would be going home.
But then, on my birthday, Shawn pulled out the most gorgous ring and asked me to marry him! Of course I said yes! And cried like a baby... But I was so happy!
Now we're trying to get our feet under us before our wedding in November. I'm searching for a job still, but our search for a home is over... though the last part of the search was so confusing that I get a headache trying to follow it... and I was there!
Shawn and I, right now, live with his mother in a house in the country. It's a big house with three floors (if you count the basement). It has a big grassy yard, and I love the view of countless cornfields all around. A great place. However... theres a few things that I have to tell you...
Number 1: Its a pig farm! If it's warm at all, all of outside reeks of pig. it's hard to stay inside on beautiful days, but it's hard to stay outside when you can't breathe without gagging!
Number 2: The rent's too expensive...
Number 3: It's super far away from everything! It takes quite awhile to get to a town that can actually be called a town, as in, has a grocery store...
Number 4: (I didn't actually didn't experience this, but I wouldn't have wanted to anyway) The winter pretty much traps you at the house. The roads back here are all dirt and gravel roads, and the snow plows dont clear them for you. And this last winter, Shawn and his mom got trapped back here with no power. No heat. For 10 days.
Yea, soooo we're getting outta here pretty soon. Very soon. First week of June soon. Yeah. Well, almost immediatly after Shawn and I got engaged, we started searching for jobs and homes. We looked in this trailer court at this great trailer first... Gosh I loved that place. But the rent... cant afford it on Shawns limited income. So we had to say goodbye. We looked at another trailer, smaller, not nearly as nice, but still ok. And we could afford it... or so we were told. We were waiting for them to get through the paperwork... We applied for HUD in the meantime, because every cent helps. Then right as we get the last bit of paperwork in for HUD, we're told that the trailer, the second, smaller one, has been rented out from under us! When we had tried to pay a deposit so that couldn't happen, but the lady at the trailer court told us we couldn't for some dumb reason! Of course I was crazy angry, and in in a panic. Where were we going to live?!
Well, we calmed down, but still, super worried. We drove past some apartments, there was a for reant sign in front. Shawn called the number, and we got to tour a tiny, but really nicely kept up apartment. In our anxoiusness, we gave the owner $100 to hold it until June... and I was so relieved. But then yesterday, the HUD lady and the trailer court lady came to an understanding, and they looked at the first trailer we looked at, the one I loved, Plan A. With HUD's assistance, the cost is no more than the tiny apartment. The choice was obvious...Though we're now out $100... Ufff.... Someday I'll get the hang of this Grown up thing.
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